LOVE…

I want love.

I want real love.

I want someone to look at me the way I’ve looked at a thousand people I have loved.

No one has ever returned the love I’ve given.

I give, give and give until I have nothing. Absolutely nothing left except an empty heart and a tired body.

I am tired.

I am so sad and broken.

Everyday hurts more than it should.

I am exhausted.

Giving everything in hopes to get one small thing in return.

I want real, can’t live without each other love, but what if it’s not meant for me?

I’m starting to think I’ll spend my whole life chasing it,

all the way to my grave.

~Em♡

I’M SICK.

I’m sick of being walked on.

I’m sick of being used.

I’m sick of being taken advantage of for my kindness.

I’m sick of being so close to something that feels like love and ends up becoming another lesson learned.

Sometimes I just want to give up…throw in the towel. Lay on my bed and wallow away into an ocean of my tears.

But somehow I keep going…

I Keep getting up…everyday and giving myself a second chance and not the people who have hurt me.

If I don’t get up…if I don’t take the initiative to start another day…no one else is going to for me.

I am the common denominator between all my broken relationships and all my pain.

It’s me…and I am the one who needs to put me back together.

I’m sick of coming up with excuses.

I’m sick of blaming other people for my sadness.

I’m sick of holding myself back.

I’m sick of not believing how wonderful I truly am.

~Em♡

Feeling Lost and Behind in Life

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

This morning I opened my lifeless eyes and instinctively reached for the electronic version of my life (that I am definitely paying way too much for) and started scrolling through Instagram. Without even being on the App for more than 30 seconds I found out that Brian got a new job in NYC, Katie is traveling the world while simultaneously getting paid for it, Rachel just moved into her first apartment and all I could think about was how I haven’t even brushed my teeth yet.

I have unintentionally gotten into the horrible habit of starting my mornings off with comparing myself to everyone else’s highlight reel. That is how I got to where I am today….lost and feeling behind in everything.

In school we learn that there are certain steps you take to form a hypothesis. We learn that receiving an A on a paper is something you should be proud of and an F means you have some improvement to do. We are taught that there is an order to almost everything in life. You go to school to get a good job so you have money to get married and start a family and then you get old and then you die. That’s it. That is the basic timeline that has been laid out before us and if we stray from the norm, well that just makes us difficult.

Seeing my friends and people on social media reach their goals in society’s timely manner does not make me upset, it simply makes me question why I have not gotten there yet. Why do my dreams and my goals not match up with the majority of people out there? What if someone wants to go back to school when they are forty or what if someone never plans on getting married or what if a recent college graduate still isn’t sure what they want to do with the rest of their life?

Something I have learned recently is that it is okay to not know what your next move is and it is okay to not have everything figured out by the time you’re twenty-five. People move at their own pace and comparing your life right now, to everyone else’s highlight reel of accomplishments on Instagram is not reality. People post their best moments and their favorite versions of themselves. People aren’t pictures; they aren’t frozen moments in time. People are complex and emotional beings, who at the end of the day just want to feel like they are doing okay and meet society’s standards for whatever being okay really means.

Feeling Lost is the Key to Happiness

❤︎ The time in my life when I could say with a firm belief that I was feeling lost, was unbeknownst to me, the time I was truly finding myself. ❤︎

If you’re like me, and all the possibilities of what you could be and what you want overwhelm you, you have probably experienced the sinking feeling of being lost. Not knowing where to start and not knowing how to become happy and satisfied with your life is more common than one would think.

Well….good news. Being lost means you’re half way there.

The best part about being lost is that it does not matter the direction you go because you don’t know where you’re going. Once you get rid of the plan society has ingrained in your mind since birth, there are endless possibilities ahead and many avenues to turn down.

Once I started spending more time with myself and understanding what makes ME smile and what makes ME laugh and what makes ME want to get out of bed in the morning, that is when I felt myself starting to find my way.

All the nights crying and feeling like I had no purpose in this life because I didn’t have my dream job and I didn’t have more than a couple of friends and I didn’t have a “perfect” body, led me to figuring out who I am and what I want out of life.

I encourage you to look at yourself and even if it doesn’t seem special or important…what are you good at? What are your hobbies? What makes you forget to check the time? What makes you feel excited about starting? If you could have your dream job, even if it doesn’t exist yet…what would it be? What do you want your days to look like and who and what do you want them to be filled with?

These are the questions you need to ask yourself because at the end of the day it doesn’t matter what society wants you to be or your teachers or your family; it matters what YOU want. You have to live with yourself everyday and you are the only one who can prevent yourself from feeling lost. No one knows you better than yourself.

Writing is something I love. I also enjoy helping people and if I could do that through the words I type out from a keyboard, well that would be just wonderful.

Feeling lost and behind in life is something we put on ourselves. It is all in our own heads. Contrary to popular belief, there is not a timeline or a set of rules everyone must follow in order to live their life “the right way.” There is no guarantee we even have tomorrow, so why should we waste our time doing things that don’t makes us happy or worse, living a life someone else has curated for us? The answer is…we shouldn’t!

~EM♡

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Writer ❤︎

“Let me live, love, and say it well in good sentences.”

Sylvia Plath

I have heard it said once or twice that I am too young to have problems or too young to understand love or too young to be fearful. Well I am here to tell you that it does not matter if you’re fifteen or ninety-nine, love is love and pain is pain and I, like many other people in their twenties, have already been through the ringer.

In Short: My name is Emily and I’m just your average 20-something girl who is trying to get a grip on her life. “Pretty Girl Lagoon” is my safe space and my outlet. The place to write all the things I’ve been thinking and feeling for so long, but have never had the courage to say.

I hope you have the courage to pursue something you’ve always wanted to do. Something that has been stirring in the back of your mind but fear has been keeping it from becoming a reality.

I hope something you read here resonates with you and I hope you know that whatever you may be going through, you are not alone.

♡Em

What Is Pretty Girl Lagoon?

“Come with me where you’ll never, never have to worry about grown up things again. Ill think of a mermaid lagoon underneath a magic moon.”

Peter Pan, 1953

Hey you. Pretty girl. This lagoon is YOUR safe place. Your special hiding spot between the rough wild waters and the still, ever confusing, land. A small cove filled with women like you, who are just trying to “figure it all out” whatever that truly means.

The world we live in is a scary place filled with uncertainty, confusion, sadness and unpredictability. Being a 20-something-year-old woman is hard enough, but trying to get through these years alone, can seem almost impossible at times. I want this metaphorical lagoon to be filled with women (or even men) discussing the good the bad and all the moments that come in between. From dating to loneliness to the happiest memories we find ourselves reliving again and again. This is a safe space; an escape. A place where you won’t feel like you’re going through everything alone.

You are pretty. You are smart. You are deserving of all the good things in this world and you are capable of getting through any situation life throws at you.

This is Pretty Girl Lagoon.