Words are like Advil,
they only mask the pain.
Relieve it for a few hours until the dull ache starts creeping its way back into your system.
Stronger than you felt it before.
Actions are the cure.
Actions can end the pain.
Actions can set you free.
We want love so bad we are willing to take it from anywhere.
We take it in bits and pieces; broken parts
trying to put something beautiful together.
But isn’t it better to get the new and unbattered,
well functioning product?
No missing pieces.
One whole,unscathed masterpiece.
One day it will all make sense.
One day you won’t hurt.
One day you will laugh again.
You will feel a lightness around you and a smile will make its way across your face for no reason.
One day you will be surrounded by love.
One day your hands won’t shake and your chest won’t feel unbearably heavy.
One day you will breathe in deeply and release it, without tears running for their lives down your face.
You will look around and wonder how you got here after all the storms you trudged through.
One day you will thank yourself for being brave.
One day you will be unexplainably happy.
That day could be tomorrow.
I wonder where you are and what you are doing . I wonder if you can feel the sun on your skin like I can now sitting on this bench. I wonder if you think the sky is a beautiful miracle like I do. I wonder if you are happy or filled with worry. I wonder if you ever wonder about me.
I wish I could meet you right now but I still have some growing to do. I am not ready for you, which means you probably are not ready for me either. I am a handful. A lot of work, but I am sweet and kind. I think God filled me with sunshine and sparkles. Elements that can only be found somewhere far out in space. A brilliant masterpiece but hard to contain.
I hope we better each other. I hope we can make each other laugh. I hope all the pain and heartache I have been through was worth it to get to you.
I feel like I keep hitting rock bottom.
Over and over again.
Is that possible?
Breaking down a new foundation every time I land. Only to fall further down.
It feels worse each time.
I know we are suppose to get back up and put ourselves together again…but after the one-millionth time…how can we?
Why should we?
It is getting so hard to laugh through it all.
I want love.
I want real love.
I want someone to look at me the way I’ve looked at a thousand people I have loved.
No one has ever returned the love I’ve given.
I give, give and give until I have nothing. Absolutely nothing left except an empty heart and a tired body.
I am tired.
I am so sad and broken.
Everyday hurts more than it should.
I am exhausted.
Giving everything in hopes to get one small thing in return.
I want real, can’t live without each other love, but what if it’s not meant for me?
I’m starting to think I’ll spend my whole life chasing it,
all the way to my grave.
I’m sick of being walked on.
I’m sick of being used.
I’m sick of being taken advantage of for my kindness.
I’m sick of being so close to something that feels like love and ends up becoming another lesson learned.
Sometimes I just want to give up…throw in the towel. Lay on my bed and wallow away into an ocean of my tears.
But somehow I keep going…
I Keep getting up…everyday and giving
myself a second chance and not the people who have hurt me.
If I don’t get up…if I don’t take the initiative to start another day…no one else is going to for me.
I am the common denominator between all my broken relationships and all my pain.
It’s me…and I am the one who needs to put me back together.
I’m sick of coming up with excuses.
I’m sick of blaming other people for my sadness.
I’m sick of holding myself back.
I’m sick of not believing how wonderful I truly am.